Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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