I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
