Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
