First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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