Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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