"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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