Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
