I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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