Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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