There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
