yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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