Nicole vs. Life
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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