The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
