Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
