Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I want her autograph on my taint
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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