and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
