Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
two words...techno handjob
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
