omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
