Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am naked and annoyed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
