you traded sex for a burrito?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
