eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I could make wine with my vomit
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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