I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
