Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
