Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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