We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
