this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
