The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just googled if crying burns calories
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
