he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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