homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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