Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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