guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
