paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
