Already got asked if we're dating
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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