he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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