Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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