I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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