my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
