The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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