who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
