I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you made out with another girl for some wings
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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