I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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