You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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