Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
