we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
