ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
