How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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