i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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