dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
