She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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