He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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