Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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