i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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