Soap is not a condiment
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
