can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
