Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
